First Audible Heartbeat, Acrobatics and Our Raw Anger

First Audible Heartbeat, Acrobatics and Our Raw Anger

Note: This will be the final post where we remain anonymous…our identities will be revealed for the next one, and we will explain why!

Monday

Rough morning, went to work, practiced dance with my fiancée, met with choreographer, and worked on seating chart mirror.

Tuesday

Bridal dress final alteration try-on by myself. The alteration was not as expected. 2.5 hours later was able to take said dress home where my fiancée and the stylist had already begun the makeup trial. Then commenced my own makeup trial awhile later. It felt awkward for someone who’s makeup regimen consists of only eyeliner on my lower eyelid to have about two hours worth of makeup on her face. It looked beautiful, yet I had to admit it made me a little self conscious. After the trial we practiced the dance, and I decorated the wedding mirror seating chart (this infinite task I apparently can never finish).

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Wednesday

7:30am appointment for 13 week ultrasound. The moment of truth. This was the longest I had been without spoiled medical attention and I was nervous. Hoping that everything would turn out normal. I slept about only three hours the night before. This was also the day we had to decide if all is well, whether we tell our parents/family the day after the wedding. We were both nervous as we arrived and walked into the building. After a little while we were called to the back and I was told to lay down, raise my shirt and some cold jelly was placed on my stomach. There was a monitor on the wall reflecting what the doctor was seeing for our viewing pleasure. She placed the hand-held device on the jelly belly and began moving around in small circles. My fiancée and I held hands and probably in tandem our breaths. Then we heard it, a small swift whooshing sound… a heartbeat. Albeit briefly I let out a sigh of relief. I was then scolded because I hadn’t had enough water before the appointment for the ultrasound. My fiancée ran over to fill out a bottle and I chugged one and a half right there on the spot. I felt downright sick after the chug and was instructed to lay back down. The device was then on. Then the monitor went from black, to grey spots, to an outline of something barely moving. There it was, an outline of our child, not facing how the doctor wanted it to.

Yep, causing trouble already- has to be our kid,

I thought.

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So the doctor began trying to get tyke to move with the device. Tyke began squirming, clearly annoyed, yet began getting into a more desirable position after a good 5 minutes of playing tag. Meanwhile I am internally having a complete freak out that something inside me is moving so much and I can’t feel a thing. The doctor then becomes passively frustrated and then tells me to lay on my left side for about 5 minutes. Presumably so tyke can strike a better pose. Back to original position.

The doctor then begins to highlight normal limb structure, the prescience of a nose protrusion hinting to a less chance of down-syndrome and other areas aligning with normal development. Breathed a sign of relief, and asked the doctor about how much water intake I should be getting. She made a joke about how she considered her “body to be a temple” with the first child and the second she was having diet sodas and whatever the hell she wanted, yet they both turned out fine. Light-hearted and personable, we wished that this woman could be our OBGYN. She to our dismay however, confirmed that she only conducted ultrasounds and assessments.

I was originally going to go into work after the appointment, yet thought the better of it as:

  1. I wasn’t feeling too great
  2. There were definitely some wedding things I wanted to get done that were still pending

Here is where things become heavy in this blog entry.

We Were Angry and Devastated

At 13 Weeks Pregnant. As stated in a previous blog post, my fiancée and I originally decided that we did not want to know the gender of tyke, asked the OBGYN office to please simply put that result in an envelope and give it to us. Our plan was to could pass it to family members and give them the opportunity to be have this really neat part in something so important to us with a gender reveal.

However, things did not go as planned. The same day as our ultrasound, we headed back home and my fiancée wanted to go retrieve the test results which were ready from the OBGYN. I wasn’t feeling very well and she was going to go ahead and simply pick them up. She had called about three times prior to her going to let them know that she would be headed over there and if it was alright for her to pick them up. The office said that it would be no problem.  She gets to the office, and I am in bed. *ring* I pick up my cell phone, its her:

They won’t let me get the results,

she said.

I sat straight up, fuming. I cursed a few things and told her to give the lady the phone. She knew I was going to blow up and clearly hesitated, but gave her the phone. My words were direct, why in the hell is this a problem. She has been to that office with me twice, she is my fiancée and you are telling me that you cannot give her OUR results. She responded that they did not have a consent form. A form I remember filling out before even doing my insurance documentation there and mentioned.  I said, she is my [bleeping] wife, you are on the phone with me…there is your [bleeping] consent. She stuttered, then asked if she could email me the form. I told her this is ridiculous, didn’t feel that this would happen if she was my husband; then went online, put a fake signature in the document and sent it back. They gave her the results.

A little while later I received another phone call. By this point I had given up on sleep, picked up immediately and it was my fiancée again. She said,

Babe…

Her voice sounded cracked…raw and angry. My heart paused.

They effed up. I know the sex of the baby. I went, opened it [the blood test results] up and they had the sex of the baby, and it was highlighted.

One tear came down my cheek.

Your kidding right?

No. I’m sorry babe.

I became furious, and instantly began a tirade of curses and crying that I cannot repeat here. She told me if I wanted that she wouldn’t tell me. I jumped down her throat. I understood her intentions, but lividly I said it wasn’t about that. Immediately I apologized. Explained that the whole point was to find out together regardless of how, which was our choice and they took that away from us. I felt robbed, nauseous and an anger I haven’t felt in goodness knows how long. My immediate irrational response was that I was going to go into the car, navigate to that office and give them a piece of my mind in English and Spanish. Perhaps throw a thing or two at their heads and annotate how incompetent and insensitive they all were.  My fiancée calmed me. She said she would be back home after a few wedding errands and we would talk. We hung up, and I cried in the bed awhile. Lingering on this one important part during our intimate first experience we were supposed to share being treated with such passiveness; our desires disregarded when it came to this process of detailing of how we wanted to share it with those who we care about the most.

I received a text. My co-worker had mentioned that although I took the day off for wedding things, if I could still please stop by the office at noon. I was taken aback and thought about how I only began this new position a few weeks ago. She sent another text, with a nice begging gif. I said okay.

I got ready and left to work, on my vacation day to arrive at noon. On the freeway a large plastic bag from a truck in front of me flew off and landed on my windshield. Causing me to have to pull over on the freeway to take it off. Clearly, today was one of those days.

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When I arrived there were several colleagues, a table with buffet trays, punch, huge cake, a money tree and a ton of decorations around my desk- including balloons. I was blown away! This group of people who barely knows me gathered to wish me a happy wedding day. When I think about the workplace I left this place for, it was night and day. Instantly, I was again thankful for this support and the clear gleefulness they expressed. I am lucky to have such a new supportive work environment. So we ate lasagna, spaghetti and cake.

A little while after, I went to the store to both clear my mind and find a bracelet to wear with my wedding dress. For a brief period my anger subsided. It was replaced with a run to the bathroom at the mall because diarrhea has recently become my daily burden. Alongside the queasiness returning, they have found friendship and bonding with one another.

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When I returned home, my fiancée told me to wait at the door and close my eyes. I obliged. When I went in, she smiled broadly holding one solitary blue balloon and two blue hydrangeas in a vase. I was in shock…first by how damn adorable she was with one blue balloon and an ear to ear grin and the second…a blue balloon. I realized my first reaction should have been to shout and hug her, but instead I stood there- in pure shock. Certainly filled with happiness, but petrified. She goes,

I couldn’t let you find out how I did.

Could I ask for someone better to grow old and wrinkly with? Nope.

She then proceeds to explain that one balloon had been cut too short, flew up to the ceiling where she couldn’t reach and she had to chase it with a broom to get it down. Also, that there was a baseball involved in the surprise but she couldn’t find it. Turned out it was in the pocket of her pants- which she had on. A true testament to how nerves are running rampant and adorable in her. I could marry her ten times over.

So… its a boy!

Us as moms:

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Thursday

Day off work. Some friends/family began to arrive from New York for the wedding weekend. We were locas trying to put things together, cleaning and ensuring all was organized.

Friday

All hell breaks loose. Definitive arrival of friends/family. Unofficial rehearsal of wedding day antics. Exhausted. Emotionally ready for bedtime by 7pm.

Saturday-

WE ARE GETTING MARRIED!!!!

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Brides-To-Be Sleeping in Separate Beds

Brides-To-Be Sleeping in Separate Beds

I am 11 weeks pregnant. For the past five days, I haven’t slept in the same bed with, or been much closer than one foot away for a long period from, the woman I am to marry and declare my undying love to in about ten days from now. Awkward, I know. Let me explain.

Ended the last blog with, I got her sick. You’ll be happy to know my fiancée recovered easily in two days. About a week and a half or so later, I am mostly better (when it comes to the cold part), except for some dry coughing at night. Then about two days ago, my fiancée is just absolutely overwhelmed. Coughing up a storm, throat painf, and just plain old miserable. Whatever it is realized she got off easy, came back and came back with a vengeance. Several days in, she full fledgely has whatever I had before. Including that fever. 🤒 This past weekend I made made more teas (sneaking in some honey 🍯 and lemon 🍋) for her than I can count. Yet her fever persisted and she refuses to see a doctor- thinking she will run this thing over. Even though her cough has gotten worse over the past few days. Listen, I would be absolutely off my rocker with medication intake if I was in the same situation and allowed to.

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Since she is sick, judging by how terribly hard it was on me when I was, and how my immune system is totally compromised at the moment…it was decided to try and stay away from each other as much as possible for awhile until she recovers. That means separate beds and no real lengthy physical contact.

Let me tell you, when I have been getting my hard queasy bouts of nausea lately, all I want to do is be held. I have cried about 3 times at how terrible it feels to see her sick, feel responsible for it, and have to keep our distance with everything going on, especially the wedding planning. The hormones are also not helping.

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My sleep is at it’s worst. I am a total night owl in general, honestly wishing I just worked the graveyard shift, because I am just so lousy at being an average 9-5 human. Yet now that I am pregnant, worse…

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Here is an example of my night last night which is pretty typical (actually recorded as it happened):

  • Midnight. In bed, doing some wedding things because I can’t sleep anyway due to how gross I feel. Eventually drift off.
  • 1:38am, navigating with both eyes closed, most successful pee of the night. I replicated a prize-winning enactment of Niagara Falls.
  • 3:02am, massive headache. Drank 1.5 cups of water, fell back asleep about 3:23am.
  • 3:42am, one eye open, walked to the bathroom, peed.
  • 4:16am, one eye open, walked to the bathroom, almost missed the toilet in the darkness of the bathroom and nearly slid off.
  • 5:26am, no eyes open, walked into closed door. Felt my way to bathroom, nearly fell asleep on toilet. Pretty sure round ring imprint on butt.
  • 6:30am, tried to angrily hold it and force myself back to sleep. Coughed, nearly wet myself, one eye open, went to bathroom. Back in room, daylight breaking.
  • 7:02am, awake. Fiancée’s alarm had gone off a little prior for her to get ready for work. I linger, get up, pee and go to make my poor sick fiancée some tea to take to work and wrap up her lunch.
  • 7:10am, stumble back into room, lay there and can’t fall back asleep because I keep thinking about things that upset or worry me. Wheels won’t stop turning and I continue to worry needlessly about nonsense. Light is coming in through the curtains. I try to force myself to nap before work unsuccessfully.
  • 8:00am, alarm goes off, I pee again. Both eyes open, wishing I could just go back to sleep. Get up and ready. Then on forth to work, where I am not allowed any caffeine and rely on the occasional donut-offerings to keep the engine going.

So there you have it.

First OBGYN Visit

We went to our first OBGYN visit after graduating from our fertility clinic. It wasn’t what I expected. My fiancée and I arrived, the receptionist was nice. I felt like I had 3 gallons of water in me, because I read that I had to drink enough water for a urine test. Yet I ridiculously didn’t realize that peeing for me lately is not a problem, so I literally came through the door and asked to please do the pee test even before checking in. No shame and it was the best pee of my life.

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We met the doctor and she was nice, yet we didn’t feel that “connection”. We originally chose her because it would allow us to give birth at a good hospital where she has permissions, and she also came well recommended. Yet maybe after all of the personal attention we received at our fertility clinic, I had expected something more than what I received.

Additionally, I expected to be able to do the ultrasound, however the doctor indicated that the task was basically done someplace else with another doctor. I was disappointed, if it weren’t for the first trimester blood-work, I would’ve felt like it was a waste of a visit and insurance charge because we didn’t learn much.

We were told during the visit that our test results will trickle in throughout the week and updated on their “patient portal” online. The blood-work would also include the sex. We decided to ask them to place that in an envelope without telling us the result. Why? Well, to give to my fiancée’s cousin, who has been integral in helping us with this crazy wedding. It would be a surprise reveal from everyone to us. After all the secrecy, we definitely know that is something they will appreciate.

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The doctor also give us a sheet telling us what we could/could not do and listed a bunch of medications I could take. No thank you.

Some results came in showing that my Vitamin D was low, Creatine was high and Glucose a little more than normal. I contacted the doctor’s office because I had assumed someone would tell me to take more Vitamin D and explain the results. They said that a nurse specialist would get back to me to explain, which never happened. Then we followed up with a message on their portal, like dude…need human. Received a message in response the other day basically stating, what do I need an explanation for that all was normal. My fiancée basically responded,

“HELLO MORON, shes low in Vitamin D even though shes already taking vitamins for it and other things are not perfect. Whats the deal?”

Then the message response later, oh that she was going to say that I should double the dosage of D vitamin I’m taking.

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Next week we have the ultrasound appointment at 12 weeks. Yayyyyyyyy, hopeful strong heartbeat! Yet after that, I think its time to find another OBGYN, Also next week:

WE GET MARRIED!

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AND by then, hopefully able to sleep in the same room as each other.

I will include more about the wedding mayhem next time…

It All Began At 3:32am

It All Began At 3:32am

Saturday, June 24…or Sunday, June 22 at 3:32am

Only four days after we graduated from the fertility clinic. I sat up in bed, already propped up on several pillows, sweating but cold. Not one minute of sleep all night. Considering I have not had real sleep in awhile due to the injections and pregnancy to begin with, inside I was emotionally falling apart.

I reached over and grabbed the glass of water my fiancée gave me before bed and when I went to swallow, I couldn’t. I spat the water back in. The pain that followed every time I tried felt like a hot metal cheese grater in my throat. I tried to swallow my saliva as I was bone dry. I just couldn’t.

Didn’t want to wake her. Walking into the living room, I sat on the couch, head in my hands. Got up, warmed up some water with salt and attempted to gargle, I choked and began coughing, making it worse. Then sneezed, it was like gasoline lit with a match, and I began quietly crying in the darkness of our living room, head back in my hands.

I needed to drink water, and tons of it to stay both hydrated, kick whatever this was and for tyke. Googled, “pregnant sore throat, colds sweats and sneezing”. Knew there was no way I was going to be able to take actual medication. Ugh. Then I found a few posts swearing by honey 🍯 and lemon 🍋 in hot water. Problem. The only ingredient I had was the water.

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3:53am

I decided I was taking my broken self to the only 24-hour supermarket nearby, Harris Teeter. Yet before I left I didn’t want my fiancée to wake up and worry. I woke her gently, telling her that I felt like hell and was headed to the supermarket. Basically that I would do anything to soothe my throat as I weep meekly. She shot up from bed and said, “Let’s go!” It threw me off, since I was clearly a mess and when I said it was alright, she had already left the room to get her shoes on.

4-something a.m.

She drove us, and we had the incentive of seeing numerous drunk drivers. Including a woman driving into a plaza while we were at a red light, stopping her car only when it hit the parking spot concrete car-go-no-further barrier, and her head on the steering wheel clearly crying. It’s a whole other world when your the sober one at 4-something a.m. on a Saturday night. 😐

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In we went to Harris Teeter, wearing the largest sweat pants and clearly looking like a pair of college girls out for a drunken late-night snack. Located the lemon and honey, we cashed out, went home and followed the Googled instructions to make the tea composed of hot water, lemon and honey.

It tasted like absolute crap, but it INSTANTLY began working. Not completely resolving it, but it became more bearable than the grater with kerosene. I chugged a whole glass of water the moment I could pass it down. Afterwards I returned to the bed, yet was still congested, sneezing and having coughing fits. What the hell was wrong with me?!

I was miserable, then came the headache. Unable to sleep and feeling terrible that I was likely keeping my fiancée awake so late, I went into the guestroom bed. The quilt was already folded up high, so I simply plopped right on top, elevated to the point where I was practically upright. Then I just kind of sat-laid there. All gross and watching daybreak through the window. Then came nausea. Perfect.

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I continued sick throughout the next day. My amazing fiancée took care of me and my grumpy self. Seriously, I’m giving her a trophy at the end of all this. 🏆

Sunday Morning

Until…she woke up with a sore throat and we realized, damn- I got her sick too. We didn’t get the exact same symptoms, but the fault was undeniable. My poor bride-to-be had a sore throat and earache.

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When someone is pregnant, their immune system changes, AND that ladies and gentlemen is how I caught full on a winter cold-type sickness in a daily 90-degree state. The same day that the symptoms began my fiancée and I visited two hospitals for tours of their neonatal programs. Basically, where you and your significant other can go in order to assess which place you would likely want to choose an OBGYN that has access to, to give birth at. The tours were interesting, and the second one actually took us through the entire birth-process from start to finish. Was pretty neat being able to experience that, yet was pretty awkward with other obviously pregnant women in the group. Often looking at us with a tilt of the head. The suspicion is that it was in one of those hospitals where I caught whatever had hit me like a ton of bricks.

Boy, did it hit hard. Also scaring me as all the symptoms were overshadowing the pregnancy symptoms I had been bracing myself for. I was worried I was going to hurt tyke with my obsessive coughing, sneezing and plain old anger. I went on ZocDoc and made an appointment for a doctor for after work Monday, hoping this isn’t strep throat. The only real issue that was concerning was fever (I had a small one) and having to maybe take prospective antibiotics. A fever is not good for tyke, specifically during the first trimester when fetal organs are forming.

Monday

After some convincing from the fiancée, I took a day off of work, yes…my new position, and rested. She took a day off as well to take care of me, ensuring that I had water, tea and love even though she felt unwell herself. I upped the appointment to earlier and went. The doctor confirmed after a swab that I did not have strep and that it seemed to be an upper respiratory infection. No antibiotics…I was going to have to troop through this on my own. Me, myself, my fiancée and disgusting lemon honey tea. She also went to the doctor, who confirmed the same and said she should be over it in a short time.

It has been about a week since I became sick and her doctor was right. She was over it in about 48 hours. It is currently July 5th and I am still coughing, although much improved. A cold in the middle of summer, my colleagues in the office seemed concerned. I wince and attempt to keep it as normal as possible.

Tyke-Status

I have been off the injections for about a week. My fiancée is over the moon not having to put these bad boys in my back anymore.

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Meanwhile, I am noticing that my queasiness and gross-feeling is getting worse each day since I stopped. To the point where I asked her if I could just get another few painful shots for a few days than feel like this.

Tomorrow, July 6th, I will officially be 11 weeks pregnant. From the size of a prune, to whatever object my What To Expect phone app is going to tell me at midnight tonight. Additionally, I will have my first OBGYN appointment to confirm at 10:30am. Honestly, while the reality has hit me since the last ultrasound. I think it will be this first visit with the OBGYN which I hope goes well, that the reality will truly set in. I tend to be a natural skeptic, so I am just keeping trying my best to keep positive that tomorrow, our appointment will prove to give us nothing but good news and that this infection soon fades away. Two weeks later and I am still recovering.

Balancing Act with a Side of Ultrasounds

Balancing Act with a Side of Ultrasounds

Family/Friend Wedding Prep Weekend 6/8-11/2017

Hi. Fair warning…this post is long, had four days to write about two jam-packed weekends. As usual, please enjoy with a tall fresh glass of OJ. 🍹

The family/friend weekend was an emotional roller-coaster. I will not delve into the not so good stuff though and let’s just chalk it up to a few good moments and some laughs. Then some rough waves, plus my hormones and feelings that I wanted to grab a 2×4 with regard to. I learned that I am going to have to do my best to shut myself off sometimes, stress cannot happen and I can’t fly off the hinges. This life isn’t just about me anymore. Bright side? My fiancée and I did manage to do the progesterone and delestrogen injections each night without disclosing a single word. So there is that.

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On the pregnant side of the coin, while stilling having my small waves of queasiness, I did have an actual first dry heave. It was me, my fiancée and her childhood best friend in the car. We were headed to pick up some Colombian cheese bread (pan con queso) for a troop breakfast. I was already feeling queasy while leaving the house, chalking it up to rough emotions, yet thought that the fresh air would do me some good.

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In the car, the feeling just stayed…slowly crescendo-ed, the queasiness then became overwhelming. I asked if there was a plastic bag in the car, my fiancée looked petrified (in addition to the fact that her best friend had no idea about me being pregnant). She asked if she should pull over while on the ramp to the freeway. She literally pulled over on the entry ramp to the freeway (not so safe on my behalf, by the way) and I jumped out the car, hands on my knees and dry heaved a few times- with a lackluster result of just water and saliva. Not feeling better, yet terrified I would be the cause of a car accident, I jumped back in the car and a newly found plastic bag was handed to me. I held my fiancée’s hand as I usually do when driving and we continued the hunt for bread.

After picking up the bread, then returning to the car- it happened. We sort of looked at each other. I know we have been both bursting at the seams and that she has absolutely no one she has divulged the pregnancy to. Someone to lean on, someone to vent to. I at least have my buddy on Facebook from Australia 🇦🇺 (Hey Nikki!) and you all here in the blog and messenger; but my fiancée has only had me. Not that I’m not good enough, I just know she will initially also need some extra emotional support. Especially because we do not desire to tell anyone until after the first trimester has cleared, pending that everything goes well. 🤞🏽

Back to the car. Plays as follows:

Fiancée: {Let’s call the best friend ‘Doodle’ for blog’s sake}. So Doodle, guess what?

Fiancée looks at Doodle through her rear view mirror smirking as she drives.

Doodle: [Awesome aka me] is pregnant.

Me: [stank face because it is clearly due to putting on weight, then I turn around in my seat and muster a smile] 😐🙂

Fiancée: Uh yea. [beaming smile] 😁

Doodle: [Quiet- then eyes well up with tears and she smiles]

Fiancée: [Extra adorable conversation here; but I am back to feeling sick- so I mentally drift off]

Hugs were had, our hysterical experience at the doctor’s office was shared and more intimate moments. Then the video of our new beating heart from her cell phone.

The entirety of the weekend wasn’t as successful. Spent all day with my parents and my informal-formal bridesmaid friend, the cousin of my fiancée who we can call, ‘Cheeky’ for blog’s sake. Cheeky provided me much of the necessary frustration diffusion required when searching for a veil, wedding shoes, and jewelry. After a good effort by my parents and Cheeky, we gave up. All I found was a bracelet. So here I am, veil-less and shoe-less. I also realized, crap- I have put on a bunch of weight!

The Weight

The weight, the weight, the weight!

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While on the progesterone and delestrogen injections, my weight hadn’t fluctuated too much. It stayed at a steady number, regardless of exercise or anything. I didn’t feel that my eating habits had increased by much, I wasn’t even having any seconds. Then boom, am confirmed pregnant and I begin gaining weight. Easily more pounds. Clearly noticeable when I tried on my wedding dress in front of my parents and Cheeky. Lucky for me, when I initially chose the dress even though we did not believe that we would get pregnant on the first shot, I still chose a dress that I hoped would compliment and hide my bodice even if I were to become pregnant. It wouldn’t require a ton of alteration in the tummy area or anything (yet I didn’t account for my quick breast size increase). The fun part is, you can easily see weight gain in my face, tummy and arms. So sigh, that same picture that I took when first trying on the wedding dress meant for July 22nd, is not going to be the same picture I take now. Not with my augmented breasts, puffier tummy, arms and face. My appetite has fluctuated a bit, one dinner I eat a little more, the next I have only half of my plate. The only noticeable difference is a newly added desire for sweets (two enormous ice creams in one weekend I need to stop that). So tyke, who is now currently at nine weeks and the size of a green olive at 1 inches long, is making me buy new shorts, jeans and shirts. Plus, making me terrified that I am going to look not so pretty in that dress on my wedding day that fit me like a glove a month ago.

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To be honest, I know that the tummy will expand- I guess I just didn’t expect the gain to be so soon. So noticeable. In front of everyone. It has had me very self-conscious and often-times hormonal-ly sad. I have cried in the shower about six times at this point. Yet, I am honestly completely thankful that the worst of symptoms, the morning sickness, our tyke is lovingly keeping at bay. All I am dealing with now is a queasiness that comes and goes, emotions bouncing everywhere and constant fatigue. Also, restroom breaks. Seriously, how many times can I pee a night? Then have a terrible time of falling back asleep after. The toilet is replacing my bed and I am going to have to figure out how to just prop a pillow on it to catch up on the sleep that I am missing!

Me at work lately:

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May I Have An Extra Ultrasound Please? 6/15/2017

So the days were counting down until my last and final ultrasound appointment before our “graduation from the [fertility] clinic”. I wasn’t experiencing the terrible morning sickness (no complaints) and hadn’t had any super major symptoms besides the weight gain, some queasiness, emotional rollercoaster, toilet love, and fun flatulence. Needless to say again, we were concerned. I asked my fiancée if she thought we would be able to do an additional ultrasound before our official final one, just to make sure everything is alright. After all, we were going away for a few days by the end of the week to Ocean City, Maryland (US) with her three cousins and two close friends…and I already know that I would be doing nothing but worrying about tyke the whole time, until the scheduled final ultrasound the following Tuesday after our return. She consented and we contacted our Nurse Awesome to ask if it would be alright. Nurse Awesome consented and we made the appointment for the morning of our road-trip to Ocean City.

The day came. I slept very little on Wednesday, always having a really bad habit of letting excitement and nerves ruin a good night sleep, not to mention the nightly pee breaks. I was exhausted. We were packing and running late that morning. My loving fiancée drove us to the clinic, where we arrived 20 minutes late and were made to wait an additional 30 or so because we had missed our initial appointment. Our fault, we owned up to this and meandered back to the car to watch Netflix’s Orange is the New Black on my cell phone while we waited. After returning to the office, we were summoned and back we went to the ultrasound room. Used to the routine:

Nurse: Hi [me], how you doing?

Me: Doing good, thanks!

Nurse: Do you have any latex allergies?

Me: [quickly] Nope.

Nurse: Date of birth?

Me: 8/11/[nope not giving that away]. 😐

Nurse: Ok. Strip from the waist down, they will be in to see you in a moment.

I remove everything from the waist down, don my flawless temporary paper skirt and sit my bare rump on the gynecology table. The love of my life sitting in the seat next to me, holding my clothing in her lap. In comes the doctor and an ultrasound technician, globs the gel on the knob, some nice talk and plop, in the device goes. No real fun for any true blue lesbian.

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On the monitor: Blackness, then streaks of white, blackness again, a white ring circle then a little white bit fluctuating back and forth quickly. Then what actually looks like a mass of a body. I was holding my fiancée’s hand and my breath, until I saw the mass actually move! HOLY…and I had a minor sarcastic moment where I had to stop myself from saying, “Its ALIVEEEE!!! MWAHAHAHA!” Frankenstein style.

There it is. Something moving inside of me, developing and completely dependent on all that weight I gained and my fiancée to keep it safe. Yes, that is how I’m framing it, so shut up. 😒

For the second time, I felt a pretty deep pang of emotion. This is actually my body, and somehow this little thing is really going to stick around for awhile. I squeezed my fiancée’s hand and laughed a little as the technician typed up the words, “Head” and “Tush” and moved them onto the little blip in the picture. Then she looked at the both of us and you could see in the gleam from the monitor that her eyes had become glossy. It was the most genuine gesture of emotion I have seen from any stranger towards us…and it honestly hit me to my core that we could provoke that in anyone. That feeling was so warm. I felt happy, I felt proud to be holding my fiancée’s hand…I felt the beginning of our little family. Tush and all. My fiancée recorded the coolness on her cell phone. They handed us a picture of the raspberry and off we went.

Family/Friend Relax Weekend 6.15-19.2017

Off we went after the appointment, towards our second major ground-break for the day, our marriage license. We will be getting married in Maryland, therefore that is where we headed after the appointment to attain the license! After retrieving the license, the clerk was kind- I peed (of course), we took a picture to commemorate legally having this fantastic right for the states we live and work in to acknowledge our commitment and lives together as a lesbian couple, then continued on our trip.

The weekend was pleasant, and we were able to share a hotel room with Doodle, the one best friend that we already admitted our pregnancy to. Therefore, the scheduled injections continued without a hitch. We also made it a point to lightly inform most on the trip that I was undergoing a treatment with fertility medication to see how my body would react to them for the future. Although we admit to each other that we are pretty sure everyone knows already (HELLO WEIGHT GAIN 😣).

Yet no one pushes, life went on and the long weekend was had. This was the first time we did the injection in front of anyone, and Doodle witnessed the whole thing. From prep, to ice, to injection, to tears from soreness of injection near bruises, to my fiancée comforting me, to heat from heating pad. Each day.


One of the days, after a long walk back along the boardwalk (about an hour) and true exhaustion, Doodle arrived to the hotel room prior to us. When we arrived a few minutes later- she had already plugged in our heating pad and put ice in the ice bag, popping it in the fridge for us. I smiled, and envied the kindness and genuine relationship that Doodle (as well as the others in the group) has with my fiancée. Respectful, selfless and loving enough to support both her and her relationship with me. I couldn’t put into words how heartfelt those small actions meant. Knowing how absolutely emotional these past months have been for my fiancée. She takes no joy hurting me, I feel her brace before the injections, and I feel her deep sadness when seeing me weak or in pain. I could never in this life ask for a more wonderful person to spend my life with, and each day I remind myself of the same. While face-down in the pillow bracing, I wiped a tear no one saw during the injection preparation. Thankful she had some back-up today.

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Keep it Together, I Say to Myself

After an injection one night, I was in sheer pain- my fiancée gave me the heating pad and I laid back on it. Her and Doodle were going to the other hotel room next door to spend some time with the rest of the troop. I was going to lay down for about 25 minutes since I felt exhausted. They left, then returned in about 4 minutes…I winced. My fiancée says,

Babe, they want you to come right now too.

I actually begin to cry, literally- thanks mix of hormones, pain, and exhaustion. All I wanted to do was to sleep the headache off and wind down. Yet instead I get up, then my fiancée tells me to splash some water on my face to freshen up, I abide. We exit and open their hotel room door and the troop says,

SURPRISE!

The hotel room was completely decked out and decorated, with black and pink “Team Bride” balloons, pride colored linked construction paper hanging from the ceiling, and adorable marriage cards.

Actual Photos:

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It was awesome. I became overwhelmed, began to cry again (yes, this was all phone recorded- maybe will upload it way in the future to this post)- thanks hormones. Laid out with thoughtfulness were two soft white robes and lingerie. One for each of us. One of the girls put a pair of pink anointed Team Bride suspenders on my fiancée. While I was graced with a small pink cowboy hat and a pink tank top that said, “Bride to Be” in clear bedazzled rhinestones.


An impromptu bridal shower for the both of us was completely unexpected. Apparently, there was anguish the moment my fiancée entered the room with Doodle, they did the surprise bit, and I wasn’t present at all. There was a demand to grab me. It was hysterical to watch my fiancée attemp to act surprised again. We all sat down, played a few adorable guessing games and as predicted, due to the medications I kept slipping into sleep-town. Eventually falling asleep, I really fought best I could to keep awake.

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The Final Hurrah Fertility Clinic Ultrasound 6/20/2017

The day after our arrival from the long weekend, I left work during my lunch hour for our final scheduled ultrasound. We both drove in separate cars, as she had the day off. Feeling good, seeing tyke only a few days prior all wiggly and stuff. We went in, the receptionist put me down without me saying my name, and we were finally called into the room we had been in already, so many times.

We did the roll call, changed as directed, laid down- held my sweetheart’s hand. The ultrasound technician came in, as did our doctor. In they went, dark, light, dark…tunnel with light, light, and boom there was tyke. In all it’s glory, looking substantially different than 4 days ago! Oh and the wiggles…holy moly, that heart was pumping. Also, the monkey was freaking upside-down. The horror on our face was probably hysterical when the technician mentioned it.

Then they did 3D scans and we could finally see more than one dimension. In the end tyke was definitely in there. Again, and being incredibly nice to mommy with regard to full blown morning sickness. We exited the room, hugged the doctor and received a photo as well as a folder with all the information needed to now see an OBGYN. Then it was official, we graduated from our fertility clinic!

The obstetrical report card looked good:

  • First Day of Stim: 4/17/2017
  • 6/6/2017- Ultrasound #1
    • FHR (Fetal Heart Rate): 132
    • Computed GA: 6 weeks and 5 days

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  • 6/15/2017- Ultrasound #2
    • FHS (Fetal Heart Rate): 179
    • Computed GA: 8 weeks

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6/20/2017- Ultrasound #3

  • FHS (Fetal Heart Rate): 174
  • Computed GA: 8 weeks and 5 days

We were beyond grateful. Oh, and a small bag of Haribo Gold-Bears gummies. Each less than 1/2oz.

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Next up…finding our OBGYN and no more being babied…wah!

 

 

The Moment, Ultrasound, Emotional Management 101

The Moment, Ultrasound, Emotional Management 101

The Moment of Truth

As described yesterday, for the past few months we have been slammed with nonstop doctors visits, blood, diagnostic and ultrasound appointments. Then the embryo transfer occurs, I get one blood test. The blood test shows an HSG of 891. Another blood test, 1979 and another blood test 3832. Madison Blastocyst (the embryo’s nickname), is definitely in this like it is the championship game.

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Reminder: Human Chorionic Gonadotropin is a hormone produced by the placenta after implantation. This little hormone is what the blood test is searching for to determine whether you are pregnant or not. Doctors expect that a normal HCG level will double every 48 to 72 hours.

Then stop.

There is a 13 day wait after our 3832 RBI (Runs Batted In), uh I mean Hcg level, and now we sit at home. Waiting. No phone calls to see how I am doing, no emails to check if I am peeing on a stick. Side note: A few days after our positive diagnosis, I actually went to a CVS, picked up a card, a pregnancy pee stick and a Finding Nemo plush toy (if you have kept up with this blog, you’d know why on that one).  This was purchased in Maryland, meaning I would have to pay for a plastic bag if I wanted one. Hadn’t thought of that after purchasing the items. I nervously told the clerk that we knew we were pregnant already. He said, “right” and continued checking out. Honestly, I never thought I would even buy a pregnancy test, walk outside in sheer daylight with a pregnancy test box to my car (which I of course parked at pretty much the last and furthest spot in the lot)…and…then pee on a stick…

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I then woke up the next morning, filled out the card with loving words, peed on the stick, watched the plus appear and took Nemo to wake up my fiancée. Since we saw all those “Clearblue” pregnancy test commercials on Netflix lately, I thought it would funny to just confirm the already confirmed and celebrate her.

Its just us, waiting into the far future for an ultrasound to tangibly prove that these blood tests they say we are kicking the ass of are legitimate. To make this wait more interesting, I am experiencing very few symptoms that so many women online are consistently saying they are being plagued at by even before this time.

This embryo was already 6 weeks and 6 days old at this time for testing. Since the diagnosis, I have experienced an extremely tender chest, and apparently have now hit a D cup when we went bra shopping, because my other bra was strangling my chest to death. Not to mention that it feels like I have a good 7ish iron ball bearings in each one causing one hell of a pain when I sit up from bed in the morning. I had also experienced a little grossness on two occasions, well three to be honest (including feeling sick while at the doctor’s office this morning, awaiting to be invaded to find out if this little tyke has put down a flag and claimed me as it’s territory). Those incidences of grossness had been attributed to sheer nerves. I did have had a teeny bit of a downright blah feeling on the occasional morning, grabbed a granola bar and it quickly subsides. Yet, no real check-boxed symptoms that could not be easily attributed to the Delestrogen and Progesterone injections daily, besides the urination…waking me up in the middle of the night twice and making me look like I have a bladder problem at my new job. So like I said in the prior post, we hoped that this little tyke was just really trying to be good for me already, and being really sweet so that we can stay grateful and not make things as sickly miserable as it could possibly be at this point.

Me:

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Ultrasound With No Sound

So after our medical team “neglected” us for those 13 days, my sweet fiancée and I continued our routine: wedding prep, bickering (because I am a hormonal mess and sleep deprived), the injections, and enjoying the days together after work has ended each day. Until the Tuesday 7am came along. We wake up. Well, I sit up from bed, because I slept like garbage after I went to pee at 3am. We get ready and I feel downright sick, no telling why- but I assumed it was the nerves.

After arriving to the office, (about ten minutes late, mind you) we gave our name to the receptionist and waited. I felt gross, opened and popped a Preggy Pop candy made of ginger that we got in case I get morning sickness soon. Which only made me feel worse- that was WAY too much ginger. So I did random licks and my fiancée filled up some water from the tank. Someone came out, told me to feel free to use the restroom, that they would be calling me in shortly. Took a stroll to the restroom, and used it (not a problem for me lately). All the while feeling green, I looked in the mirror while washing my hands and I was completely queasy…pale even.

“Here we go. [breath]” –  I thought

Open the door and walk to sit with her, cuddling in. I saw the pity in her eyes, the fact that she had no clue if it was sheer nerves or actually a pregnancy symptom. After all, we have been lucky symptom-wise thus far. Then, they call my name…we get up and walk to the ultrasound room. She lady leaves the room and we weren’t sure if I was going to strip down or something, as we weren’t directed. Either the lady was having a bad day or we were just both completely out of it. My fiancée pokes her head out of the door, asks and confirms for me to strip from the waist down.

I look down, and go mention that I thought they were putting something on my tummy for this. She shrugs. Clearly, we had been so busy with everything else we failed to realize that the ultrasound was actually the fun hike your heels up invasive again. I cringed and did as instructed, then sat on the gynecological table. In comes an ultrasound nurse and our doctor. We smile nervously, I crack a few silly jokes and I instantly feel less nauseous. It was nerves.

Instructed to lay down and stirrup-up, I held my fiancée’s hand, the nice lady went in and told us to give her a moment while she gets her bearings. First dark…then light…then a dark again on the monitor. Then a small light ring…then light inside the ring…then movement. It looked like a teeny butterfly. Left-right-left-right-left-right the motion. It was quick. The nurse says,

“Oh there it is!”

I remember my eyes widening and then a small disappointment,

“Where the hell is the sound?-  I thought

Another winning assumption I got wrong. Then reality slapped me in the face. GAHHHHHHHH we’re pregnant! GAHHHHHHH, there is something moving that rapidly inside of me! GAH! The doctor said,

A great heartbeat there!

Our champ is at a heartbeat of 132, nice and strong. I’m pretty much in awe and remember tilting my head, wondering why I couldn’t feel all that movement, lol. Feeling my face light up and then seeing both the faces of my fiancée and the doctor light up was a pretty fantastic emotion. Like, see? My habitat got it’s implantation stamp of approval. Booyah! Then reality again. Wow…there is life inside of me. We are pregnant. Its real. And this tyke is already amazing, because they are really being easy on mommy with regard to pregnancy symptoms. Go team!

Me Again:

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We received a photo from the doctor, and she sweetly said she would loop the video so we could record it. Everyone leaves and my fiancée pulls out her cell phone to record the video. She says,

We are pregnant! You have a baby in you! Ahhhh!

Actual Photo (video to come):

Forward We March, Side-By-Side With You

So here are. Pregnant! We celebrated the same day by going out to eat Indian food, because the sweet-pea deserved it, duh. Now, by the time I am writing this I am officially exactly seven weeks pregnant, and our sweet-pea is officially the size of a blueberry. I am going through these short waves of queasiness as of the 7 week day…where each has luckily subsided maybe after 5-10 minutes. I have also had a little bit of it in the morning when I wake up, and have been taking a few bites of a granola bar to avoid it. I have also been drinking more water, I am convinced, than I have had in my entire life. Plus currently tracking the status of our quarter of an inch blackberry with the What to Expect app. Getting cute little videos, tips and facts each day which is nice. According to the app, January 25, 2018 is our due date.

To think, when many of you started following or reading this blog, my beautiful partner and I were merely having a chat on the bed to discuss where we were headed in life together. You have literally been with us for each pivotal moment, insecurity and awkward emotion. The intention of this blog was to bring you in and also document this incredibly intimate and important part of our lives, that not even those who we love and who love us the most know about. For those of you who have not necessarily publicly commented and have sent us very private stories of your own. We know it can be difficult, and we truly appreciate it.

For those of you family and friends eventually reading this, we hope that you truly understand how we emotionally had to approach this expedition. We also hope that you TRULY enjoy reading what we are trying to document as well as possible for you, such an important chapter of our lives (AND of course you being a part of it!). For now, it is just us here and our readers until the time is right. On forth we march…with fingers continuously crossed for my fantastic fiancée, I and our prospective sprout of a new family!

Our Challenging Weekend Ahead

This may be our most emotionally overwhelming and challenging weekend ever. Today is Thursday, and also the day where my parents are driving the five and a half hours all the way down from Cleveland, Ohio as we speak for arrival apparently by 6:30pm (not “at night” as they had originally mentioned; so we are completely going to scramble to get the last minute house touches done after work today! Ahhhh!).

And then.

Tomorrow, Friday at 1:30pm, my fiancée’s three cousins and best friend will be coming down the four and half hours from Queens, New York via bus. Saturday, my fiancée’s parents and grandmother will be driving down the four and half hours from Queens, New York. Whats the hubbub? Well, we agreed awhile ago that we would take this Friday off of work, and this would be the weekend they would come down in order to help us prepare clothing, accessories and details for the wedding on July 22nd. Unsure if the next time we saw them we would be pregnant or not. Surprise surprise! Yet no, we have no plans to let them know that we are. While we are exploding with excitement over the news, we are still quite in the early stages of this, and want to possibly wait until the end of this first trimester to reach a “safe point” to spill the beans…blueberries?

What does that mean? Well these bouts of queasiness are going to be challenging. Hopefully, they stay at the same manageable level they are for this weekend at least.  Additionally, fitting into my wedding dress in front of my mom and friend may be a little nerve-wrecking. Just the overall house-full of love, emotion and my hormones that will be present. We have had to hide the pregnancy books, ultrasound and blastocyst photo. Ensure that we leave no explicit evidence around. In addition, we have to not give in to those inevitable tender moments and my current hormonal insanity. I have begged my fiancée to not leave me for too long of periods…honestly, sometimes I feel like I just cn’t control myself.

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We have however, decided to disclose to them that I am undergoing some “injection tests” to see how my body reacts to fertility medications. If it were up to me, we wouldn’t mention one word of this, due to the already emotional stress it is involving. Yet my fiancée is right. How else are we going to get away with disappearing into a room each night at 10:30pm to inject me???? Moreover, I think it would provide a good excuse if I am feeling any sickness this weekend and .why I am not drinking.

SO. Let the games begin! And may the emotional and physical odds be ever in our favor.

Oh by the way….

WE’RE PREGNANTTTTTTTTTT!

and PLEASE – continue to have mercy on me our little blueberry!

Tomorrow (short post)

6.6.2017

Short Post- Little 😴. Typing on my cell phone.

Tomorrow, which is currently approaching in about half-hour from now, we will be headed to the clinic at 6:45am for our appointment at 7am. This visit will be for our first ultrasound, to see if we actually have a ticking baby bomb in there. Note: Due to sheer nerves, this post will be no where near as long as my others. Yet I will try to make up for it soon-after.

Since finding out we were pregnant from Nurse Awesome a few days ago, we had another blood test and were notified that our HSG levels had doubled again. Great news! Yet after that second blood test, there is no follow-up action until about 13 damn days later. Your sort of in this unfamiliar territory where you feel that you have been constantly monitored and tested for so long, that now you actually feel somewhat neglected. Abandoned for 13 days with only a date for an ultrasound.

Now.

None of this would probably be an issue, if I have had any of the typically horrendous symptoms of pregnancy. Yet six weeks into this the most I have gotten is a tender swollen chest, constant potty breaks, a little fatigue and an unquenchable thirst. All of which except for one are explainable by my daily progesterone and delestrogen injections (which come with symptoms of their own). Don’t get me wrong, I am by no means complaining and if Madison Blastocyst, who is currently the size of a sweet pea, wants to be a sweetie pie who causes pre-mommy little to no discomfort during this pregnancy; then by ALL means- there will be no protests from me!

Yet in the back of my mind the past 13 days, I can’t help but worry that things are just too quiet for comfort in there. 😕 Yet let’s see if in about 7 hours, I will lay down on that table, a stranger will put a substance with a machine on my tummy…and a small beating heart can be seen.

Then I will feel that at least this hurdle, has passed.

So, Are We Pregnant or Not?

So, Are We Pregnant or Not?

5.23.2017

The Timeline

Last I left you, we were on the tail-end of the two-week wait, I spotted for two days in a row and still had two more days until the blood test to determine if we were pregnant or not. To answer your second-most pressing question, no we did not cheat and get a home pregnancy test. Yet, it was an absolutely hysterical last few days of the wait.

Our Nurse Awesome was great. We emailed her a question and she replied with the required information and the following, word for word:

May 18, 8:52am:

“Have you done a cheater test? Pee on a stick?”

We responded no, laughing.

Two days later we emailed her and stated that we believe we were a little low on Delestrogen, that we may need for her to put in a prescription for us. Her response?

May 20, 6:15pm:

“So {she} needs more del estrogen?? Does this mean she cheated and took a home urine test ???????”

Clearly. We weren’t the only ones watching the clock on this one.

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The day had finally come, and while laying in bed that Monday, May 22, 7:45am I looked over and asked my fiancée:

“Should I take the day off work?”

You see, I already know whats going to happen here. She never wants to answer questions like that, but I wanted affirmation that my desire to call off an entire day just to be next to her for what would be a 3 minute phone call was somewhat responsible. I wasn’t going to get that, but I did drag out of her that she would of course rather have me be home with her in general. So I translated that to:

“Please stay home after the blood test, because your amazing and I want to spend the day with you like all the time. [Compliment of how beautiful I look in the morning here]”

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In the email to my job, I was completely honest. That pending some test results I am eagerly awaiting, there is no way I would be able to fully focus in the office, and wanted to take the day to let whatever news sink in, I would be in the next day and apologies for any inconveniences. To my surprise, both individuals responded back good luck with smiley faces. I’ll take it.

So we laid down a little longer and joked about what percentage we thought we may or may not be pregnant. Then off we were on 8:45am to the clinic. We arrived about four minutes late to our 9am appointment and meandered into the elevator, gave my name and sat down. To my surprise the waiting room was packed. Arriving for our appointments usually around 7am, I thought that at least by 9am most people would rather not miss out on work.  I was proven wrong.

After a little waiting the nurse calls me in. At this point both my fiancée and I have had so much blood taken from our bodies with the same nurses that we know them on a first name basis. I sit, the conversation goes a little something like this:

Nurse: “Oh, it’s the big day! End of your two-week wait. That went by quick! You excited?”

Me: “Honestly, it felt like those two weeks the clock was moving backward sometimes. I’m more uncomfortable with the fact that the extreme feeling that will come over me will be based on a 3 minute phone call I have to wait for all day.”

Nurse: “It will be fine, your blood has always done what I wanted it to with no issues!”

Me: ttl6lebt9lfeq

Nurse: “You’ll get a phone call around 1pm today with the results. If all goes well, they’ll have you schedule an appointment for additional blood work in two days and in a few weeks an ultrasound.”

Me: [flinch because I was injected and a smile because now that teeny needle is laughable; when considering the inches we inject into me on a daily]

I thank her, walk out and kiss my fiancée in the elevator. We get in the car, go pick up the Delestrogen, some ‘Finding Nemo’ band-aids and head home.

What? The band-aids?

I want to liven things up back there for her, don’t judge me. Also, cutting them in half, they are utilized after each injection to mark the spot it occurred. Why? Imagine 2.5 inch needles everyday in your lower back, now imagine that you only have a limited amount of real estate back there. The band-aids mark the minefields of soreness. Yes, we have this down to a very complicated science of ‘Finding Nemo’ band-aids.

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Tick Tock Ring

So what do you do when you have a good 5 hours to wait for a bombshell phone call? Obviously take down a very crap-made Kmart canopy you put up in the backyard and watch movies on the couch together until…the ring. We had just finished watching a movie when the phone rang, and I almost fell tangled in the sheets on the couch to grab either my phone or the remote control- I was too dazed to remember which it was.

May 22, 1:22pm: The phone is placed on speaker and we hear the following:

Nurse Awesome: [high-pitched voice] “You did it!!”

Me: [high-pitched squeal, sheets to face]

Fiancée: [ear to ear grin, adorable emotion-face] “We’re pregnant!”

Nurse Awesome: “You sure are and the numbers look fantastic, 891 HCG! More than 150 HCG is what we usually look for.”

Me: [sheets to face still in shock]

Fiancée: “Thank you so much {Nurse Awesome}! Oh my God you are pregnant!

Nurse Awesome: “So now you’ll want to schedule a blood test for Wednesday and Friday and in two weeks the ultrasound.

Me: “Thank you! Oh my God we are pregnant!”

Side Bar: HCG, is an acronym I have officially Googled after that phone call about 36 times the past two days. Definition: Human Chorionic Gonadotropin is a hormone produced by the placenta after implantation. Yes, it sounds like a chronic disease, but this little hormone is what the blood test is searching for to determine whether you are pregnant or not. Doctors expect that a normal HCG level will double every 48 to 72 hours. Yet the numbers themselves are all not cut and dry when determining much more than the fact that you are pregnant.

Then my fiancée proceeds to take out her phone and record our current reactions. Me, sheets to face…her grin ear to ear. After that, we were a bit incomprehensible in terms of actual formalized sentences. She rubbed my tummy and kept saying, “There is a growing thing/baby in there!” Here is the funny part. She has been calling the speck of sand which is now the size of a sesame seed in me, “Madison Blastocyst”. Apparently trying to sell me on the fact that Madison is a great name. Me, on the other hand, would like something that you can say in both English and Spanish, and “Mad-‘e’-song” doesn’t do that. 😉

So there you have it. Holy moly, we are pregnant! 😲 Second day in, still in shock. Additionally, I have been offered a new position which I start next week Wednesday. Much closer to home (15 minutes as opposed to my 1 hour+ commute each day) and more opportunities to flourish. Yet, I have to be cautious and try to keep the pregnancy under wraps for now; and if I get morning sickness, do everything humanly possible to keep myself together.

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To top it all off, my fiancée has connected the following:

  • May 22, 1:22pm (we get the call)
  • July 22 (we get married)

How cool is that? To think, this all started with one conversation in January and four months later, we are pregnant. It is beyond mind-blowing. So now it is about keeping positive, and accepting that we aren’t in the clear for awhile. Just take it day by day. Which we are more than prepared to do.

Looks Around Paranoid

To make matters even odder, my mother randomly texts me at night the same day we found out,

“Love you 😘”

Her mother randomly texts her at night too. We begin to wonder if our house is tapped.

Next up…blood tests and monitoring…monitoring…monitoring.