Note: This will be the final post where we remain anonymous…our identities will be revealed for the next one, and we will explain why!
Rough morning, went to work, practiced dance with my fiancée, met with choreographer, and worked on seating chart mirror.
Bridal dress final alteration try-on by myself. The alteration was not as expected. 2.5 hours later was able to take said dress home where my fiancée and the stylist had already begun the makeup trial. Then commenced my own makeup trial awhile later. It felt awkward for someone who’s makeup regimen consists of only eyeliner on my lower eyelid to have about two hours worth of makeup on her face. It looked beautiful, yet I had to admit it made me a little self conscious. After the trial we practiced the dance, and I decorated the wedding mirror seating chart (this infinite task I apparently can never finish).
7:30am appointment for 13 week ultrasound. The moment of truth. This was the longest I had been without spoiled medical attention and I was nervous. Hoping that everything would turn out normal. I slept about only three hours the night before. This was also the day we had to decide if all is well, whether we tell our parents/family the day after the wedding. We were both nervous as we arrived and walked into the building. After a little while we were called to the back and I was told to lay down, raise my shirt and some cold jelly was placed on my stomach. There was a monitor on the wall reflecting what the doctor was seeing for our viewing pleasure. She placed the hand-held device on the jelly belly and began moving around in small circles. My fiancée and I held hands and probably in tandem our breaths. Then we heard it, a small swift whooshing sound… a heartbeat. Albeit briefly I let out a sigh of relief. I was then scolded because I hadn’t had enough water before the appointment for the ultrasound. My fiancée ran over to fill out a bottle and I chugged one and a half right there on the spot. I felt downright sick after the chug and was instructed to lay back down. The device was then on. Then the monitor went from black, to grey spots, to an outline of something barely moving. There it was, an outline of our child, not facing how the doctor wanted it to.
Yep, causing trouble already- has to be our kid,
So the doctor began trying to get tyke to move with the device. Tyke began squirming, clearly annoyed, yet began getting into a more desirable position after a good 5 minutes of playing tag. Meanwhile I am internally having a complete freak out that something inside me is moving so much and I can’t feel a thing. The doctor then becomes passively frustrated and then tells me to lay on my left side for about 5 minutes. Presumably so tyke can strike a better pose. Back to original position.
The doctor then begins to highlight normal limb structure, the prescience of a nose protrusion hinting to a less chance of down-syndrome and other areas aligning with normal development. Breathed a sign of relief, and asked the doctor about how much water intake I should be getting. She made a joke about how she considered her “body to be a temple” with the first child and the second she was having diet sodas and whatever the hell she wanted, yet they both turned out fine. Light-hearted and personable, we wished that this woman could be our OBGYN. She to our dismay however, confirmed that she only conducted ultrasounds and assessments.
I was originally going to go into work after the appointment, yet thought the better of it as:
- I wasn’t feeling too great
- There were definitely some wedding things I wanted to get done that were still pending
Here is where things become heavy in this blog entry.
We Were Angry and Devastated
At 13 Weeks Pregnant. As stated in a previous blog post, my fiancée and I originally decided that we did not want to know the gender of tyke, asked the OBGYN office to please simply put that result in an envelope and give it to us. Our plan was to could pass it to family members and give them the opportunity to be have this really neat part in something so important to us with a gender reveal.
However, things did not go as planned. The same day as our ultrasound, we headed back home and my fiancée wanted to go retrieve the test results which were ready from the OBGYN. I wasn’t feeling very well and she was going to go ahead and simply pick them up. She had called about three times prior to her going to let them know that she would be headed over there and if it was alright for her to pick them up. The office said that it would be no problem. She gets to the office, and I am in bed. *ring* I pick up my cell phone, its her:
They won’t let me get the results,
I sat straight up, fuming. I cursed a few things and told her to give the lady the phone. She knew I was going to blow up and clearly hesitated, but gave her the phone. My words were direct, why in the hell is this a problem. She has been to that office with me twice, she is my fiancée and you are telling me that you cannot give her OUR results. She responded that they did not have a consent form. A form I remember filling out before even doing my insurance documentation there and mentioned. I said, she is my [bleeping] wife, you are on the phone with me…there is your [bleeping] consent. She stuttered, then asked if she could email me the form. I told her this is ridiculous, didn’t feel that this would happen if she was my husband; then went online, put a fake signature in the document and sent it back. They gave her the results.
A little while later I received another phone call. By this point I had given up on sleep, picked up immediately and it was my fiancée again. She said,
Her voice sounded cracked…raw and angry. My heart paused.
They effed up. I know the sex of the baby. I went, opened it [the blood test results] up and they had the sex of the baby, and it was highlighted.
One tear came down my cheek.
Your kidding right?
No. I’m sorry babe.
I became furious, and instantly began a tirade of curses and crying that I cannot repeat here. She told me if I wanted that she wouldn’t tell me. I jumped down her throat. I understood her intentions, but lividly I said it wasn’t about that. Immediately I apologized. Explained that the whole point was to find out together regardless of how, which was our choice and they took that away from us. I felt robbed, nauseous and an anger I haven’t felt in goodness knows how long. My immediate irrational response was that I was going to go into the car, navigate to that office and give them a piece of my mind in English and Spanish. Perhaps throw a thing or two at their heads and annotate how incompetent and insensitive they all were. My fiancée calmed me. She said she would be back home after a few wedding errands and we would talk. We hung up, and I cried in the bed awhile. Lingering on this one important part during our intimate first experience we were supposed to share being treated with such passiveness; our desires disregarded when it came to this process of detailing of how we wanted to share it with those who we care about the most.
I received a text. My co-worker had mentioned that although I took the day off for wedding things, if I could still please stop by the office at noon. I was taken aback and thought about how I only began this new position a few weeks ago. She sent another text, with a nice begging gif. I said okay.
I got ready and left to work, on my vacation day to arrive at noon. On the freeway a large plastic bag from a truck in front of me flew off and landed on my windshield. Causing me to have to pull over on the freeway to take it off. Clearly, today was one of those days.
When I arrived there were several colleagues, a table with buffet trays, punch, huge cake, a money tree and a ton of decorations around my desk- including balloons. I was blown away! This group of people who barely knows me gathered to wish me a happy wedding day. When I think about the workplace I left this place for, it was night and day. Instantly, I was again thankful for this support and the clear gleefulness they expressed. I am lucky to have such a new supportive work environment. So we ate lasagna, spaghetti and cake.
A little while after, I went to the store to both clear my mind and find a bracelet to wear with my wedding dress. For a brief period my anger subsided. It was replaced with a run to the bathroom at the mall because diarrhea has recently become my daily burden. Alongside the queasiness returning, they have found friendship and bonding with one another.
When I returned home, my fiancée told me to wait at the door and close my eyes. I obliged. When I went in, she smiled broadly holding one solitary blue balloon and two blue hydrangeas in a vase. I was in shock…first by how damn adorable she was with one blue balloon and an ear to ear grin and the second…a blue balloon. I realized my first reaction should have been to shout and hug her, but instead I stood there- in pure shock. Certainly filled with happiness, but petrified. She goes,
I couldn’t let you find out how I did.
Could I ask for someone better to grow old and wrinkly with? Nope.
She then proceeds to explain that one balloon had been cut too short, flew up to the ceiling where she couldn’t reach and she had to chase it with a broom to get it down. Also, that there was a baseball involved in the surprise but she couldn’t find it. Turned out it was in the pocket of her pants- which she had on. A true testament to how nerves are running rampant and adorable in her. I could marry her ten times over.
So… its a boy!
Us as moms:
Day off work. Some friends/family began to arrive from New York for the wedding weekend. We were locas trying to put things together, cleaning and ensuring all was organized.
All hell breaks loose. Definitive arrival of friends/family. Unofficial rehearsal of wedding day antics. Exhausted. Emotionally ready for bedtime by 7pm.
WE ARE GETTING MARRIED!!!!